Hashtag Utd v u12 Lionesses Match Report

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by Mark Camley 09/10/22

Comedy and Tragedy – those twin imposters, symbiotically linked were both in play today. After being at Home Away, the Under 12 Lionesses were as Micky Flanagan would not doubt say, Away Away. And like Flanagan’s erstwhile, self deprecating character, who ended up Out Out ill prepared in his slippers, the girls conceded on the first Hashtag attack of the match.

However, the Hashtagger’s lead was short lived as Zoe showed the Wright stuff by scoring direct from two dead ball situations – both finishing in the postage stamp top corner. Not sure whether there should have been a stamp with a picture of the Queen or King there, but neither would have saved the shots as both were hit at a fair lick. Kieron, Emily’s dad, takes up the story – Zoe just said to me “I never take corners” as if to say …. “Don’t expect too much” then bang!!

Zoe’s second was just deserts following a great run by Emily, who was brought down as she was bearing down on goal. Different angle, different distance from goal but same result. So it was that the girls went into the break with the smallest of leads, but with a smile on there face and a joyful skip in their step.

However, the girls started the second half slowly and after some Chuckle Brother style tackling – to you, to me – the Hashtag forward found herself through on goal and duly punished the slap stick defending.

All seemed lost when, in an attempt to measure her own height, Robyn put her hand on her head – saving a certain goal – as the ball bounced off her arm. And with a superb diving save from the resulting penalty Yva kept the scores level and completed the goal saving challenge. This spurred the girls in to action and there were efforts from Maddie, Polly, Demi, Emily and Zoe but there was no way past the Hashtag keeper.

Despite continuing to battle hard the girls somehow managed to concede three more goals. The final of which was a sublime finish from near the corner flag into the far top left hand corner. Although it was a lovely looking goal it was as welcome at that point as a fart in a space suit, as the Big Yin would say, and more prosaically Harsh-tag on the performance by the Lionesses.

On a different day it could have been a very different result but as we trudged away home, I am sure I heard a distant melody but wasn’t sure whether the refrain was Sondheim’s “Send in the Clowns”, or The Bee Gees with “Tragedy”.

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